Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Extreme Sport

Oh my God... I think I'm becoming addicted to shopping!   This has never happened to me EVER!...  Up until last month, at least 90% of my wardrobe was over 5 years old with at least 75% of that being over ten years old and 100% of it was mud stained jeans and off white (by which I mean, badly washed so they turn grey) tee shirts.    I blame this new occurrence on two things.   The first, and what probably started me off on this line of thinking, was the promise of our new life.  Post farm, I picture myself as a stylish, sassy, thin (not quite sure how I'm going to achieve that) woman, who showers EVERY day and wears make up EVERY day.    I got this idea from one of the estate agents who showed me around a house.  Ianthe, her name was, which should tell you all you need to know.  She turned up in her little, sporty Audi in skinny jeans, very high heeled open toed slingbacks, an extremely expensive silk shirt and a rock chick type leather jacket... well, I was impressed.   Obviously, it looked like she'd hadn't had a proper meal for the last twenty years but other than that, I thought to myself that one day, I would take more care in my appearance.  I, too, would look like Ianthe... and so the shopping seed was sown.

The second thing was a weekend visit from some lovely old friends of ours.   So as not to embarrass anyone, names have been changed, but my God, can Lesley Madigan shop!  Whilst the men were holed up in a pub in Nailsworth watching the rugby world cup, me, Lesley and her daughter, Isla, quietly spent the equivalent of the UK's national debt.  It was fab!   I wasn't even going to take my wallet... what a mistake that would have been!  As a result I walked away with a lovely shimmery evening top (not me at all, but very Ianthe and I love it!), a gorgeous cashmere poncho and a solid silver necklace.    I have always admired how Lesley dresses, she is one of those women who look effortlessly fabulous.  Not like Ianthe, who looks like she has taken hours to get ready and tried on 15 different outfits before plumping for the one she's in, Lesley just looks fab...even in her bloody pyjamas.    So now, whenever I go shopping I think to myself 'What would Lesley do?'   Invariably, the answer is 'Buy It!'

Of course, there is a small issue of funds that have to be addressed.   But in my mind, you see, we've already moved.   We no longer have the financial burden of a mahooosive mortgage coupled with years and years of intensive building and repair works to a run down mill.... in my head.    I know that these things will come to pass and in my more sensible moments realise it might be a good thing to wait until we are actually there, but who knew this could be so much fun!   Certainly, no one told me!

I have a history of jumping ahead of myself.   Years ago I went for an audition to be a contestant on 'Deal or No Deal'.    HA!  How times have changed - we don't even have a telly anymore.   Anyway, what they do, is give you a interview in front of a camera.   Well, to say I was nervous was a bit of an understatement and unfortunately when I get nervous I a. giggle profusely and b. have an exaggerated attack of verbal diarrhoea.   In amongst this 5 minute interview with me grinning inanely at the camera and occasionally spluttering into a fit of giggles, one of the questions was 'And if you won the £25,000 box, what would you spend the money on?'
'Oh, easy!'  I replied.   'I've already spent it!'
'Really??' said the interviewer in a very surprised tone.  'What on?'
'A kitchen extension, a fancy 'up in the air' hen house for my chickens, a mini polytunnel...' I whittled down the list quite quickly in a slightly deranged way.
'Oh, OK.  Errmmmm.   Well!   That's great!  I think we have all we need!  Thanks!'
It was only as I was on the train on the way home that I realised I forgot to say ' my head.   I've already spent it, in my head.'   Needless to say they never called.  They were probably worried that I might try and sue if I didn't win.

Obviously, I can only tell you of my new hobby in the solid knowledge of the fact that my husband never reads my blogs.   He'd have a fit if he knew (as would Lesleys, I suspect), but do you know?  That's part of the fun.   It's like an extreme sport.    I've just brought a new pair of boots, a leather jacket and a chunky jumper on the internet.   I can only pray that it arrives when Olly is not here so that I can pretend that they are really old items of clothing that I've just taken out of retirement - the leather jacket may be a little tricky but I should be able to pull the wool over his eyes with the jumper!  ......Get it??   Never mind!